Paw Prints on the Wall

The seasonal shopping frenzy is about to begin. Retailers are luring us in by trumpeting their best holiday deals and opening their doors at O-Dark-Thirty. Here are some offerings for the dog people on your list. No dog lover should be without these must-have items.

NOTE: This list is for early shoppers only because all of the items described have yet to be invented.

Remutt Control: The remote that sees through your dog!
Does it seem that every time you want to channel surf, there’s a dog standing directly in your wireless line of sight? Here’s the answer for you! Remutt Control…the TV remote control that works through your dog! No more pleading, yelling or cajoling with your dog to move out of the way. Remutt Control allows carefree channel surfing without disturbing your furry friend’s agenda. Call now. Dogs are standing by!
$49 +S&H ($343 in dog dollars)

Dogzilla Doggie Door Kit: Industrial Sized Dog Door!
Transform any entryway into a convenient, worry-free doggie door for your giant breed dog. Dogzilla Doggie Door ingeniously places the hinges at the top of the door instead of the customary side placement. The Dogzilla, easy-to-install kit comes with two heavy-duty hinges, instructions, and extra bits of hardware to confuse you. (Dogs not included).
$199 +S&H ($1393 in dog dollars)

E-Z Spot: The guiding light of doo!
Doggie constitutional walks often happen after dark. Solve the problem of hard-to-spot nocturnal deposits with E-Z Spot. E-Z Spot is a bioluminescent dog breed that produces easy-to-find, glow-in-the-dark bodily waste material. Not only is the poop easily seen, so is the dog…an added safety feature!
$1399 +S&H ($9793 in dog dollars)

Kitty Crunchies: Food your dog can enjoy before it goes through the cat!
It’s a known fact that dogs love the taste of cat food before and after it goes through the cat. Now you can offer your dog his favorite, delectable treat at every meal! Kitty Crunchies are fun, poopesque shapes covered with kitty litter-like sprinkles for realism. Give your dog the experience of eat-in or take-out by placing Kitty Crunchies in our genuine litter pan dog dish.

(Please note: Never place Kitty Crunchies next to the Almond Roca, as they are easily confused. Litter pan dog dish available separately).
40# bag: $39 +S&H ($273 in dog dollars)

Paw Print Home Décor: Eliminates Housework Altogether!
Never again, be embarrassed by dirty paw prints with bedspreads, flooring and rugs featuring muddy paw print designs. Your guests will never know when your house is actually dirty, as the real dirt is disguised by printed muddy paw designs. Available in S, M, L, XL and Dogzilla sized prints to match your own dog’s paw size.
King Size Bedspread: $149 +S&H ($1043 in dog dollars)
4’x6’ Rugs: $399+S&H ($2793 in dog dollars)
Flooring: $2 per sq. ft. +S&H ($14 in dog dollars)

Dog-In-A-Bubble: The Fun And Functional Dog Toy
Bubble Dog introduces the dog-sized hamster ball. Like the original hamster ball did for the hamster, Dog-In-A-Bubble keeps your dog safe while allowing him freedom to run and play. A fun and functional toy, the Dog-In-A-Bubble provides endless hours of enjoyment for your dog. In addition, DIAB prevents annoying dog problems like jumping up, digging, escaping the yard and destructive chewing.

NEW! DIAB Deluxe Model with built-in shampoo and conditioner dispensers. DIAB Deluxe allows your dog to bathe himself! Just add water and let your dog run in his bubble, then rinse, and repeat. (Dog not included) Available in S, M, L, XL and Dogzilla
$199 +S&H ($1393 in dog dollars)

Gate-O-Vac: The Doggie Gate That Looks Like A Vacuum Cleaner
The most effective dog containment equipment since the invention of the crate! This ingenious gate looks and sounds like a vacuum cleaner, to keep even the cleverest escape artist in check. Working on the concept that all dogs (and some men) harbor an irrational fear of vacuum cleaners, Gate-O-Vac uses an invisible force field of worry to keep dogs from passing by. Simply place Gate-O-Vac in a doorway or stairwell to keep your dog safe and sound. Available in upright or canister models.
$399 +S&H ($2793 in dog dollars)

PLEASE NOTE: These products are pure fantasy. No dogs, imaginary or real, were harmed during their conception.

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